The Montana Report

Stan Freberg here. Montana used to be a kind of a low-profile state. Didn't hear too much about it. Not anymore, folks. A few Montana items, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK] Freberg again. First of all, let's report something NICE about Montana. Hartz Mountain has just released "The Flea Report," and Montana is among those states least likely to be infested by fleas. Infested by bad guys is something else. Like the "Freemen," that group of threatening anti-government protestors that holes up in Montana. A word to the Freemen: Shouldn't that be "Free persons"? No wonder the F.B.I.'s teed off. They just want you to be "p.c." Better have your stationery and T-shirts redone when you get out of jail. And speaking of jail, the alleged Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, was picked up--as you know--by the F.B.I. from his remote Montana cabin, where he had no electricity, an outhouse, and rustic conditions, but apparently still managed to type out manifestos and build a few bombs, according to authorities. Now comes a great newspaper cartoon by Mike Lukovich of the Atlanta Constitution. He shows Kaczynski in jail, wearing a T-shirt reading "Unabomber Suspect." As he sits on his jail bunk, he's thinking, "Electricity...indoor plumbing...HEY! I could get USED to this!" One last item. A T-shirt for sale in Montana reads "Montana--at least the COWS are sane!" Stan Freberg here. Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.