It's poison season! And Toxic Stuff is your poison headquarters!

Are you tired of being ripped off by our good-for-nothing competitors?

Then call us today at 555-dead!

Yes, it's our once-in-a-lifetime semi-annual sale at Toxic Stuff, where you'll find storewide savings throughout the store, storewide.

So for all your poison needs, call us at 555-dead!

This desperate plea for money is illegal in every state except Mississippi and Utah, and you won't believe our filthy restrooms!

Yes, you've got us screwed six ways to Sunday, because we've got to enroll in 12-step program before the boss gets back from prison.

So hurry on down to Toxic Stuff, where our employees aren't treated nearly as badly as the state Labor Board would like you to believe and with prices so low, you know we won't honor them!

So call now at 555-dead. That's Toxic Stuff. 555-dead.

And remember our motto, "You break it, you bought it!"

That number once again is 555-dead! That's 555-dead! 555-dead!