Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

The Dentists' Anti-Snoring Device

Stan Freberg here. To those husbands and wives kept awake by the snoring of their spouses, help is on the way. The U.S. Patent Office has just issued a patent to two dentists, who say they have conquered snoring. More, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. Sometimes snoring does more than just annoy and keep awake a partner. Sometimes the snoring is so loud, that the snorer--not just the snoree--wakes him or herself up.

Up 'til now, many devices have been tried, from Rube Goldberg machinery to the simple trick of sewing a tennis ball on the back of a pajama coat, to keep the snorer from sleeping on his back. This device is useless, of course, to the sleeper who snores on his side or stomach. There have been electronic wrist bands that ring an alarm when the snoring volume exceeds a certain level. Even pillows that help keep the mouth closed and the head turned to one side.

Forget all that. Two California dentists, Dr. Scott Feldman and Norman Shapiro of Woodland Hills, have received a patent for an anti-snore mouth guard. They say snoring occurs when the jaw and tongue slip backwards, interfering with air as it enters or leaves the windpipe.

Their invention, which looks like the plastic mouthguards athletes wear, keeps the jaw and tongue from sliding back. It was tested at the Woodland Hills Sleep Clinic, where patients who wore it stopped snoring, and resumed snoring when they didn't wear it.

No word yet on whether the new mouth guard could stop Monica Seles from grunting as she hits the ball.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.