Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

A Long-Lasting Piece of Gum

Stan Freberg here. A woman claims she's chewed the same piece of gum for 36 years. That's right, the same wad of gum...say WHAT??? Details after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. Here's a story for you to chew on. Housewife Harriet Lasky says she was 7 years old when she plopped a wad of "Bazooka" bubble gum in her mouth, and she's been chewing on the same piece for 36 years. She says she was in the second grade when she bought the gum for a penny.

Does she keep it in her mouth, day and night? Of course not! Each night, she plops it in a glass of water by her bed. "First thing after breakfast, the gum goes in my mouth," she says. Does her husband mind her jaws constantly in motion? "Naw," he says, "she's sorta hyper anyhow, and the gum seems to have a calming effect on her."

Is the 36-year old wad of gum still bubble-efficient? "Yep," says the Denver, Colorado mother of three. "Every time a new neighbor moves in and hears about the 'Gum Lady,' I pop a BIIIIG bubble for 'em."

A spokesman for the Topps Company, makers of "Bazooka" bubble gum, was amazed that anyone could chew the same wad of gum that long. I'll bet. He probably said "No, no! You're supposed to buy new bubble gum, over and over, and..." Forget it. It's obviously a matter of principle with Harriet, if principle can be applied to gum chewing.

One day, we'll probably see that wad of gum in the Smithsonian.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.