Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Harper's Index: Meteors Larger Than Cars, etc., etc.

Stan Freberg here with a few statistics from "Harper's Index." Number of meteors entering Earth's atmosphere each year that are larger than a car? 12. "Hey, look up! Isn't that an awfully big Buick?" [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Number of Cobra attack helicopters owned by Americans? 25. Estimated number of TV sets owned by Martha Stewart? 16. Number of phone lines connected to her 5 car phones? 7. Hmm. Does that include the one in her Cobra attack helicopter?

Average number of prayers sent to the Wailing Wall each day by e-mail? 200. The Jerusalem Telephone Company prints out the prayers, and a messenger runs over and stuffs them between the ancient rocks.

Next, number of Planet Hollywood franchises to be opened in the Middle East this year? 2.

Talk about the modern world invading the old! "You vant to stop by Planet Hollywood?" "Sure! We can e-mail the Vailing Vall right from the table!"

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1998, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.