Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Please Don't Eat The Crayons

Stan Freberg here. A while back, the Crayola company put out some new Crayolas with appetizing names--"Licorice," "Chocolate"; then parents feared that kids would try to eat the crayons. So what was a crayon company to do? I'll fill you in, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. When Crayola came out with what they called "Magic Scent" crayons, smelling like chocolate, licorice and bubble gum, to name three colors, parents began to imagine that their kids might try to eat the crayons.

Be that as it may, the company has thrown such colors as "Licorice" and "Coconut" to the wind--or at least into the old Crayola melting pot. Now they've replaced the food flavors with non-appetizing fragrances like "Fresh Lumber," "Dirt," "Leather Jacket" and "Tulip."

More bad news for Crayola, according to Newsweek's "Periscope" page. In a "blind scent" test, they asked some veteran scribblers, aged 4 to 11, what these new "Magic Scent" Crayolas really smelled like to them.

Their answers? "Cedar Chest" smelled like "fire," or "dog doo," they said. "New Car" smelled like "pollution" or "California." Uhh, that's the same thing, actually.

"Lilac" smelled like "mothballs", and "Leather Jacket," they said, smelled like a "bologna sandwich" or "dead worms."

Hey, that's an idea! Straight from the mouths of babes. Why not name some new crayons "Dog Doo" or "Dead Worms"? No kid is gonna eat THOSE crayons!

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.