Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Automatic Cow Wash/Harmful Singing Report

Stan Freberg here with news of an automatic cow wash, plus a report on which kind of singing hurts your throat the most. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Have you been to the cow wash lately? German farmers have broken new agricultural ground by introducing the fully automated cow wash. As the cow enters or leaves the stall, roller brushes buff its back, sides and generally clean the cow, from head to udders. I'm not sure if Armor-All is sprayed on the hooves.

Next, news for singers. Drugs are no good, sex is dangerous, but rock and roll? Researchers at Lake Forest University concluded a study to see what sort of singing is most dangerous to vocal cords. Rock won.

Judging by the vocal cords of 100 healthy singers, laryngologists rated rock and gospel as potentially the most stressful, followed by bluegrass, country and western, musical theater and jazz. Hmm.

It's probably too late for Rod Stewart to take care of his voice, but one of the doctors said, "You've got to be very young and strong to abuse your voice, and not have it break down."

On the other hand, one of the subjects tested says, "If it don't hurt, it ain't bluegrass." Hey, buddy, then don't sing bluegrass!

The least stressful type of music to sing? Opera and choral singing. Why? Because trained professionals know how to properly use their voice.

'Til next time, Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.