Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Rude Chinese Clerks: Rope It IN, People!

Stan Freberg here. The Chinese government has now listed 50 things they don't want rude clerks saying to customers. Through inside sources, I've obtained the list. Among the things that are now a no-no: the word "Hey!" And "Didn't you hear me? What do you have EARS for?" More after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Tourists to China say there's pretty bad service and rude clerks in any number of airports, shops and hotels. But recently, as part of a nationwide politeness campaign, the Chinese government began enforcing a strict policy aimed at reigning in the hostility common at the counter. It has now published a list of 50 phrases that are banned from use at any service counter.

Number 1 is "Hey!" Number 3, "Old man!" Number 10, "Didn't you hear me? What do you have EARS for?" Number 17, "Buy it if you can afford it, otherwise, get out of here!" Gee, did Chinese clerks really talk that way?

Wang Dow, Deputy Office Manager of Shanghai's Number 1 department store, says "These phrases were chosen because they were so common! Otherwise, why would we pick them?!?!?" Chill out, Wang, I was just asking.

Here's Number 30: "Time is up, be quick!" How about Number 40: "Didn't I tell you? How come you don't get it?" And Number 50: "Get at the end of the line!" Oh, and I forgot Number 45: "If you want it, speak up! If not, get out of the way! NEXT!"

Hmm. I wonder if all these Chinese clerks took lessons from New York City sales clerks!

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.