Satiric radio comenatry for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

There'll Never Be A Hurricane Xavier

Stan Freberg here. Ever wonder where hurricane names come from? Also, there will never be a hurricane called "Xavier." Why not? Tell you when I come back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

The hurricane season, which runs from June the 1st to November 30th, was so active in 1995, it produced the most named storms since the National Hurricane Center started assigning names back in 1953.

Female names were used exclusively until 1979, when Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan probably whined, "Why do they all have to be named after women?" From 1979 on, male and female names were alternated. Equal opportunity, equal hurricanes. Fine with me.

Names beginning with Q, U, X Y and Z are excluded. Hmm. That means no hurricanes will ever be named "Quentin," "Ulysses," "Xavier," "Yvonne" or "Zsa Zsa." Hey! How about equal opportunity for all names?

A spokesman for the Hurricane Center says the names must be easy to pronounce--I guess that rules out Hurricane "Boutrous-Boutrous Ghali"--and politically correct. Probably won't be any storms named after Bill or Hillary, either. Not in an election year.

But what about "Newt"? You know how they always refer to the "eye of the hurricane"? That way, the weatherperson--in a referral to that old witches' brew--could say, "The eye of 'Newt' is moving in fast."

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.