Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Pocketless Shirts: Good for Nothing

Stan Freberg here. Can you imagine a man's shirt without a pocket? I can. I own a couple that must have been given to me as gifts. In my right mind I wouldn't buy a shirt without a pocket; where do you put stuff? You know, a pen, reading glasses. Let's examine the pocketless shirt, which is good for nothing, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again, still carping on the idea of a shirt with no pocket. I took an airplane trip recently. The flight attendant had hung up my jacket and now I went to slip my reading glasses into my shirt pocket. Whoops! Right down onto the floor. The woman in the next seat eyed me suspiciously as I felt around her feet for my glasses with a weak smile.

Was there a hole in my shirt pocket? No--there WAS no shirt pocket! In its place was a tiny polo player on a horse. Drat! How had I accidentally worn a Polo shirt on an airplane trip where a breast pocket is essential? Across the aisle I saw another man putting a pen into his imagined pocket, only to watch it fall to the floor.

I recalled my outrage at discovering there was no shirt pocket the first time I wore a shirt from Polo. I phoned the Ralph Lauren store in Beverly Hills to complain. The manager told me, "Mr. Lauren feels that a shirt pocket doesn't work design-wise because it interferes with his polo player logo." Um-hmmm. I'll bet when Ralph Lauren flies, he wears a Brooks Brothers shirt, with a proper pocket.

Thanks for listening to me vent my spleen, and may all your shirts have pockets.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.