Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

If At First You Don't Succeed...QUIT!

Stan Freberg here. An L.A. woman has flunked her driver's test. "Well," you say, "that could happen to anyone." Yeah? Over and over? For TWENTY-ONE YEARS? Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Los Angeles driver Cassie Seals has failed to pass her driver's test. Again.

"Well," you say, "maybe she oughta go to a driving school, get some real instruction, right?"

Cassie'd say, "Been there, done that." She claims to have taken more than 1600 driving lessons and laid out around 29,000 bucks to learn how to drive!

The mother of three moved to Los Angeles from Louisiana 21 years ago, and soon realized she should have a car in Los Angeles, so she started the long series of driving schools..

"I thought I was finally ready to take the test for my license," she says, "but I guess I'm just not very coordinated when it comes to stuff like driving."

A terrified license examiner gave the rattled Cassie "thumbs down" after she lost control of her car on a busy street corner, causing a police cruiser to jump the curb to avoid a head-on collision. Oh-oh. Then she signaled right, then turned left, in front of a bus, and then plowed through a newly-poured wet sidewalk.

"Well, the examiner made me so nervous," she says.

Cassie, some people are not meant to drive. My friend, science fiction writer Ray Bradbury, doesn't drive either. It's no big deal. Just take cabs, buses, and forget it.

But you, behind the wheel of a car, is obviously science fiction.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.