Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

What Ever Happened To ScotchGard?

Stan Freberg here. About 100 million neckties are sold each year in the U.S. Odds are many of them appeared on Father's day. But the next day, how many spaghetti sauce stains appeared on those ties? Some solutions, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Afraid you might spill on your new tie? Tech-Tie fastens over it with a seat belt-like buckle. 20 bucks. Or the "Tie Protector" employs a little screen that retracts from a tie clip. 14.95 Eh, sounds complicated.

Then there's always the "over the shoulder" toss, which gets the tie out of the way, or the Napoleanic tuck inside the shirt buttons (I use that one). Of course, if spill you must, that's what dry cleaners are for.

But whatever happened to ScotchGard? Laura Sutton, spokesperson for 3M, says, "A couple of years ago we reformulated it for environmental reasons, rendering it useless for silk ties." But she's philosophical. "Men have their ties," she says, "we have our pantyhose."

I suppose.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.