Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Happy Birthday, Queen Mary!

Stan Freberg here. Well, the Queen Mary turned 60. I've been aboard her many times, and frankly, she doesn't look a day over 50. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

The "Queen Mary" originally was named because of a misunderstanding. When the chairman of Cunard Lines in 1934 called King George the V, the current Queen's father, and told him it was to be named for the Queen, he meant Victoria. "Splendid!" said the King. "My wife, Queen Mary, will be so pleased!" Hmm. Thousands of dinner plates and crockery had to be discreetly destroyed, as the logo was changed from the "Queen Victoria" to the "Queen Mary."

In World War II, she was turned into a troop-carrying ship, and managaed to evade Hitler's torpedoes. Now, she has retired to Long Beach, California.

My friend Ray Bradbury, a handful of science-fiction cronies and myself, drive down to the Queen Mary every month or so, and have dinner in the "Sir Winston" room. As we look out the portholes during dinner, the illusion is that we are at sea, instead of being lashed to the dock.

Frequently, as we tell stories, our laughter becomes a bit boisterous. Recently, a man across the room got up and approached our table. "Excuse me," he said, as Bradbury and I got out our pens, prepared to sign autographs. "You're ruining our dinner! Never have I heard such rude, loud laughter!" I stood up.

"If that's the way you feel," I told him, "no lifeboat for you!"

Happy Birthday, Queen Mary, from Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.