Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

The Mad Cow Report (Cow Report #3)

Stan Freberg here. What about the millions of cows scheduled to be destroyed by the British government because they are afflicted with mad cow disease? I wouldn't be surprised if protest groups are already springing up around the country. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again, commenting about mad cow disease and the 4.7 million British cows being destroyed. How will future generations of cows look back upon this? Will they say, "Why didn't the other cows do something?"

A couple of actual suggestions: New Dehli, by Reuters: "A Hindu group in India offered today to shelter British cows threatened with slaughter because of mad cow disease." Unquote.

And a less humane suggestion from Cambodia: "Surely, the solution to Cambodia's land mine problem is here in black and white," a Cambodian newspaper quoted in the New York Times said, regards using British cows to detonate unexploded land mines. For that matter, I guess they could use them in Bosnia, as well.

Christopher Buckley, kidding around in the New Yorker, claims that a group has been started called "Creativity United to Denounce the Slaughter," or "C.U.D.S." He says the group plans to distribute lapel udders with ribbons. Hmm. And he claims McDonald's is putting out a new item called "Mad Macs."

Buckley is just joshing around, of course, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm practically a vegetarian.

Hey, what do you say we change the subject?

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.