Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

What Are Little Girls Made Of? Do You REALLY Want To Know?

Stan Freberg here. What are little girls really made of? Sugar and spice and all that stuff? Not really, according to a new book, if we can believe this book of strange facts. Be right back to fill you in. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. I'm married to a beautiful woman, Donna Freberg, and we raised our daughter, a lovely girl named Donna Jean. And now I have another little girl, my beautiful granddaughter, Rylee Jean Ebsen.

If I thought much about what any of these little girls are made of, I'd probably say, "Oh, sugar and spice and everything nice," you know. But wait a minute! A new book called "The Book of Strange Facts" claims that the average female body contains four ounces of sugar.

Okay so far, but wait: enough chlorine to disinfect five swimming pools--say WHAT???; enough phosphorus for 20,000 matchheads; enough iron to make a 2 1/4" nail; sufficient sulfur to rid a dog of fleas; and enough glycerine to explode an artillery shell!

Thank you, get out of here! More unpleasant information I didn't need to know, and didn't ask for.

So what is my granddaughter Rylee actually made of? Sugar and spice, and everything nice; a loving personality; wonderful intelligence; a beautiful little face, and a marvelous curiosity I hope she never loses.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.