Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Potential Vegetarian In The Making

Stan Freberg here. First they tell us don't eat meat too rare because of danger from E.coli. Then they tell us watch out for meat that's been overcooked. I don't mind your occasional scare-monger, but why can't the scare-mongers get together? Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. I haven't ordered too many hamburgers lately. First came the E.coli scare: "Look out for undercooked meat, everybody!" Fine. That pretty much ruled out steak tartare, which in my right mind I'd never order; not since as a young, unsophisticated kid of 23, I was talked into it by a waiter in New York's "21," who didn't bother to tell me it was raw hamburger.

"Your steak tartare, monsieur." I was halfway through it before I realized, "Hey! This meat is RAW!! Yuck!!!" From that day on, I've ordered my meat extra-well. Burn it up!

But now they're telling us that meat too well cooked is carcinogenic! All this on the heels of "mad cow disease," which they say is confined to Great Britain, but even that is doubtful. Oh-kayyy...

I once told the editor of "Vegetarian Times" that I was that close to becoming a vegetarian. Since the "well-done" kabosh, plus mad cow disease, the gap has almost closed, believe me.

That squash casserole with a side of carrots and peas looks better all the time, but...hold the pesticides.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.