Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Harper's Index: Miracle Bras, etc., etc.

Stan Freberg here with a few statistics from "Harper's Index." Price of a diamond encrusted "miracle bra" offered by Victoria's Secret last fall? One million bucks. Number sold so far? far. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. The number of fake tattoos sported by Pat Boone to promote his CD, "In A Metal Mood"? 12. See, they were only fake. And still some of his Christian fans got upset. Lighten up, folks, it was just a joke!

Number of days before Tara Lupinski won the U.S. Ice Skating Championship that she lost a baby tooth? 5. She probably put it under her pillow, and the Tooth Fairy brought her to the World title later. She only weighs 75 pounds, including her skates.

Number of people on Earth who've never made a telephone call? 2 out of 3. My daughter, who's always on the phone, would find that hard to believe.

And the number of wars fought between countries that both had at least one McDonald's franchise? Zero. Could the "Golden Arches" hold the secret of world peace?

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.