Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Animal I.Q. Update: "Throw A Potato"

Stan Freberg here. I've always wondered how much animals really knew. I hear stories of dolphins who, when asked to, retrieve a surfboard, and chimps that bring a banana and then type out the word "banana" on a chimp keyboard. More than my son's dogs can do; but they may know other things, according to a cover story on animal intelligence in U.S. News. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here with an animal I.Q. update. U.S. News reports that research in recent years suggests that chimpanzees, gorillas and even dolphins have acquired more sophisticated syntax and grammar, via sign language, and even computer keyboards. A dolphin on a computer keyboard? I thought you weren't supposed to get the keyboard wet...uh, I'll let that pass.

Kenzie, a pygmy chimp, the story says, can put together and understand simple sentences of nouns and verbs, like, "Throw a potato." If I turn my son's dogs, Willie and Bandit, loose on my computer keyboard, how long will it be before they learn to type "throw a potato"? Who cares about a potato? How long will it be before they learn to type out one of my commentaries?

Angelfish have surprised researchers by being the most vocal, it says. Did they sing "The Three Little Fishies"? It doesn't say. But it implies the day is coming when you can carry on a conversation with your pet.

Do you think it'll rain, Bandit? What shall we do about Bosnia? How about a Milk-Bone?

"R-r-r-r-RUFF!" (Pants)

There! He understood the last question! One out of three ain't bad.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.