Satirc radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Harper's Index: Hong Kong Office Space, etc., etc.

Stan Freberg here with a few statistics from "Harper's Index." How much has the price of office space dropped in Hong Kong since 1994? Five hundred and forty six bucks per square foot. Well, that's not bad, but how much furniture can you put in a square foot? Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here with more statistics from "Harper's Index." Acres of U.S. lawn turf coated with green lawn paint each year: 1700. Hey, who needs fertilizer and water if you've got green paint, I guess.

Price of a mahogany-handled sterling silver trowel from Tiffany? Four hundred and eighty bucks. Not too bad, but if you're spraying your lawn and garden with paint, what do you need with a sterling silver trowel? Plus, you could paint your ordinary trowel with silver paint, and pretend it's sterling.

Next, number of years that Bryn Mawr College has held an annual "May Hole" celebration--a feminist take-off on the "May Pole"--11. Give us a break, ladies!

Estimated number of robins that mistake electric light for dawn each night in Great Britain? 10,000. Must be tough flying around without enough sleep.

Finally, estimated number of cigars George Burns smoked in his lifetime: 521,220. Someone once asked George what his doctor said about his smoking cigars.

"My doctor?" said Burns. "He's dead!"

Great line. Burns, as you know, lived to be 100.

We miss you, George.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.