Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Barking Zebras And Gray Flamingos

Stan Freberg here. I came upon the information that zebras don't howl--they bark. "Hello? 9-1-1? There's a zebra barking outside my window." Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Gallup has released the results of a survey of America's most hostile cities. Number 1? Not New York; New York was number 2. Number 1 was Philadelphia, "the city of brotherly love." Now I can hear a New York cab driver: "Whaddya mean we're not the most hostile??? Gedouddahere, we're number 1, who conducted this stupid poll?" Low on the list of hostile cities were Seattle, Minneapolis, and Denver. Lowest on the list was Honolulu. Of course! All that surfing and sunshine would make anybody laid back.

Next, the number of plastic flamingos to real ones in America? 700 to 1. Well, I guess you don't have to feed a plastic flamingo, or take him to the flamingo vet, which reminds me: a while back, I found out why flamingos are pink. Really. It's because of the tiny pink fish they eat in the wilds of Florida. When flamingos were confined in a zoo in some metropolitan city, the zookeepers decided to save money by bypassing the expensive pink fish, and feed them gray fish. The flamingos all turned gray. What city? Probably Philadelphia or New York: "Let 'em eat gray fish, too bad!!!"

But there's something all wrong with gray flamingos. I guess you could feed 'em a little Pepto-Bismol. Now you got pink flamingos.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.