Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

The Cow Report (Part Two)

Stan Freberg here with still more stupid cow stories. Actually, not so stupid. A story has come to me about computerized milking that the cow triggers herself, so the farmer can get a little more shuteye in the morning. Any dairy farmers listening, I'll give you the details, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Yes, computerized milking is just around the barn. Will farmers no longer have to get up with the cows, since a robot milker will save them about four hours a day? That moment has already arrived on a farm in the Netherlands.

Yep, Frank Miesenbeck's Holsteins can milk themselves. He watches proudly as the cows line up like people in a line at the grocery store. They march into a milking parlor, deposit their milk without so much as a "moo," and return to the herd.

Yes, thanks to Dutch scientists, the technological revolution has come to the barnyard. The high-tech bovine, wearing a computer chip in her collar, approaches the machine whenever she feels an urge for milking. A robotic milker, equipped with ultra-sonic sensors, does the rest.

"It's a little impersonal, but the cows like it," says an executive of Prolean Development, the robot manufacturer that developed it. If they feel the need for being milked, the cows can have the machine milk them three times a day, while the farmer goofs off.

Yes, automootion is here. The robot milkers are marketed under the name "Liberty," and are said to be "cow friendly."

At a quarter of a million dollars per machine, they'd better get that price down so they're "farmer friendly"!

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.