Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

The Cow Report (Part One)

Stan Freberg here with "The Cow Report." Several cow items have come across my cluttered desk and I've finally strung them together into one bovine commentary. I hope when you hear all these cow items at once, you don't say, "Freberg's MILKING it a little, isn't he?" Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here again with "The Cow Report." Stoneyfield Farm in Londonderry, New Hampshire, has a program under which you adopt one of its cows. You get a signed certificate, a biography of the cow, plus a photo of your cow. Only $2.95. Call "Adopt-a-Cow", 1-800-776-2697. Really.

Next, a researcher in Germany has proven that rock music turns milk sour. Dr. Karl Saulak spent nine years studying the effects of music on milk production.

When farmers play relaxing, easy listening music for their cows, milk production increases by 17%. But when they are forced to listen to rock music day after day, their milk quickly sours, he says.

"The cows just don't like rock." I can believe that, sure. Pipe in a little Glenn Miller--"In The Moooood," or maybe "Moooon Over Miami"? A little less Nirvana and Guns 'n Roses, and a little more mooood music.

Looks like I don't have time for a story about computerized milking, where the cows milk themselves. Have to deal with that tomorrow. Sound like "cow automation."

Or, rather, "automoooootion."

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.