The Martians Have Returned!

Stan Freberg here with a few more television executive actual memos, as collected in the book "A Martian Wouldn't Say That!" Here's a beaut from one network v.p., regarding the show "He And She": "We want you to know this is the best show we've ever cancelled." More after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK] Freberg here with a few more unfathomable memos from the little book, "A Martian Wouldn't Say That!" compiled by Diane Robison and my old friend Leonard Stern. Stern is a gag writer himself, who produced such shows as "Get Smart," and once wrote for me. He is also a book publisher--Price/Stern/Sloan. Stern has suffered at the hands of TV censors and once received the memo, "Make the Rabbi more Jewish." Stern claims in five years of producing "Get Smart," he received two thousand and thirty-three memos from various network meddlers, but the book is a collection of many TV writers' memos. Here's one I like: "This is the best script for 'The Addams Family' we've seen in a year. Attached are the notes for the rewrite." And this: "We're most interested in a David Susskind televised special on 'Hamlet'. Could we please see the script?" And this: "Will 'War And Peace' be based on the book?" I'll close with one of my favorites from a network censor to a head gag writer: "To avoid sponsor conflict, please eliminate the line 'He fell into a vat of face lotion, and softened to death.'" Stan Freberg here. Copyright(C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.