Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

A Martian Wouldn't Say That!

Stan Freberg here. I came across a great little book called "A Martian Wouldn't Say That!" It's an actual collection of memos written by various television network executives. The title's from a memo written to the writers of the TV series, "My Favorite Martian." It reads, "Please change the dialogue on page 14--a Martian wouldn't say that." More after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Diane Robison and my friend Leonard Stern have compiled a marvelous little book consisting of serious memos written by various network executives and censors to the producers of different TV shows. I'll give you just a few:

"We're concerned about the uniforms on Star Trek. They look like the whole crew is wearing Dr. Denton's."

And another: "Can you make the Rabbi less Jewish?"

Here's a beaut: "We have run the sequence of the barmaid serving drinks over and over and over...there's too much cleavage."

And this, to the writers of "The Honeymooners":
"On page 7, Ed Norton says 'Va-va-va-VOOM!' Before we can give clearance, what does it mean in English?"

And: "Please consider changing Norton's occupation. You can't expect people to watch a sewer worker while they're having dinner."

And another one, to cop-turned-writer Joseph Wambaugh, re his script:"Regards scene on page 38--we don't think cops really talk that way, please correct."

One last network memo: "Re 'The Fred Astaire Special'-- too much dancing."

It's a wonder ANYTHING in television ever gets produced!

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.