Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

24 Hour Room Service

Stan Freberg here with a few comments about room service, especially 24 hr. room service. Oh boy, I'm hungry already. Back in a minute. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. Somebody used to have the slogan, "Getting there is half the fun." Well, not for me. Bouncing around at 3500 feet trying to enjoy the lunch that was not your first choice--"I'm sorry, sir, all the breast of chicken Hawaiian is gone"--that's not fun. But getting to your hotel so you can now order 24-hr. room service, that's the best part of your trip. But it was not always thus.

In times past when my flight had been late, I recall staggering up to the front desk, tired and hungry, looking forward to room service, only to be told, "I'm sorry, sir, it's 11:05, room service went off five minutes ago, and so did our dining room." After that, it's dump your bags in the room and grab a cab back out to some restaurant. Too exhausted for that? Then shake hands with the candy bar and Twinkie machine in the lobby.

If a hotel has any brains today, they know what travelers want--24-hr. room service. I lecture all over America, and if a hotel does not have 24-hr. room service, I will not be STAYING there! If I feel like a club sandwich and a slab of key lime pie at 2 a.m., just pick up the phone.

The sweetest sound in the world to my ear, up against the hotel room door, is the sound of the waiter's room service table, jingling down the hall toward my room. I could easily handle staying at a hotel with 24-hr. room service for the rest of my life.

(SFX: Knocking on door)

Hold it, there's room service now. (Yells)Coming!

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.