Satiric radio commenatry for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

A Talent I Don't Have

Stan Freberg here. You know how some people are able to play some musical instrument, or tap dance? "He's a natural," they say. Well, I'm able to play the guitar; but here's something else I really cannot do. Tell you when I come back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. Here's the thing millions of people know how to do perfectly, but I can't do. I can't "high-five," not correctly. I just don't have a natural sense of "high-five" rhythm.

When I put my hand in the air, the other person is putting out their hand to shake, or the other way around. If I do attempt a "high-five," my hand doesn't connect in the air! It just misses! Am I supposed to hold my hand steady while the other person slaps it, or the other way around?

Along with a lot of other stars, I do a "walk-through" in a movie now being edited called "An Alan Smithee Film," written by the legendary screenwriter Joe Esterhaus. Joe is a fan and invited me to the wrap party after shooting, so I went.

Out of the crush of cast members and crew comes Joe Esterhaus, his red beard flowing, heading toward me with a big welcoming smile. I put out my hand to shake, then I noticed his arm in the air. "High-five! High-five!" he commanded. I aimed for his hand and missed. Had to do it twice. So embarrassing.

Where am I going wrong? I have other talents; I guess I'll just leave the hand slapping to those people with a natural sense of "high-fiving."

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.