Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

More New Product Flops

Stan Freberg here. Ever wonder what happened to all those products in the supermarket that were there for a while, then disappeared? I'll tell you where they ended up, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. In Ithica, New York, stands a very unique museum: a collection of all the products that didn't make it in the marketplace. It's run by Bob McMath, who calls his museum "The New Products Showcase and Learning Center."

Only on these shelves can you find such failed attempts as a disposable diaper called "Tushies," or a product called "Spicy Mexican Pate Tofu Topper." Hmm. 75,000 items here that bombed.

All of them must have seemed like a good idea at the time, but areosol spray ketchup??? Forget it. A vibrating blade razor? Ouch!

I once shot TV commercials for a Heinz company kids' drink. It was called "Help." "Why 'Help'?" I asked the yuppie marketing vice-president at Heinz in Pittsburgh. "I dunno, seems like a good name for something," he shrugged. "For a burglar alarm," I said, "but a fruit drink?" I couldn't talk Heinz out of the name "Help." They spent millions, but the name is what needed "Help," and it died.

There it is, right in the museum of the "New Products Showcase and Learning Center." I have a better name for the place. How 'bout "Dog City"?

If you wanna go through the museum, it may cost you 1500 bucks. That's what they charge market execs to go through the place, and see what not to do.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.