Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Harper's Index®: Clinton Waffles, etc., etc.

Stan Freberg here with a few statistics from "Harper's Index®." First, number of Bill Clinton waffles a California bakery has sold since their introduction last September? 50,000. Checking Bill's waistline, why do I think most of them went directly to the White House? Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again with more statistics. Number by which Americans who watched last year's Super Bowl exceeded those who voted in November? 43,000,000. Hmm. Talk about getting your priorities in order.

Next, years after model Naomi Campbell said, "I'd rather go naked than wear fur," that she posed for a 10-page fur spread in "W" magazine? 2! 2 comment.

Rank of Taurus among the astrological signs of people most likely to use the internet? 1. Rank of Aries among the astrological signs of people most likely to be in an automobile accident? 1. Oooohhh-kay, slow down, Aries, and make sure your seat belt is fastened. Better yet, stay home and use the internet.

Next, number of children Ted Turner laid off during his merger with Time Warner? 1. Yeah, I heard when his son asked him at breakfast how the merger would affect him, Turner told him, "You're toast." Pretty rough, Ted; but maybe Turner just said, "Pass the toast." Whatever.

Finally, amount spent each year on electricity to operate all the "Exit" signs in the U.S.? One billion bucks!

Speaking of that, it's time to exit.

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.