Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Dubious Achievement Awards

Stan Freberg here. Esquire Magazine has just published its annual "Dubious Achievements" issue for the past year. Pretty funny stuff. On the cover, they have Madonna's baby wearing a little cone bra! When I come back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again with 1996's "Dubious Achievements" from Esquire Magazine. Esquire has commented on these true newspaper items with a small satiric comment.

One reads, "A letter published in a Cambodian newspaper recommended the 11 million English cattle threatened by 'mad cow disease' be shipped to Cambodia, and allowed to roam free to detonate unexploded land mines. The plan is simple, practical, and will make mincemeat of the problem overnight," unquote. Esquire says, "One man's minesweeper is another man's Arch Deluxe."

Another item says Camilla Parker-Bowles hired an image consultant who advised her to wear shorter skirts, get a new haircut and work on her smile. Esquire says, "Also, lose the geeky boyfriend."

Here's another dubious achievement. In an effort to get himself into the Guiness Book of Records, Stefan Sigmund of Romania smoked 800 cigarettes in six minutes. Esquire's comment: "Good thing it's not addictive."

And finally this. When asked by a reporter what quality he most wants voters to know about him, Bob Dole said, "Beats me." Esquire's comment: "Why do the guys with the vision always lose?"

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.