Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Unloading Telemarketers the Freberg Way!

Stan Freberg here. Are you frequently annoyed by telemarketers who always seem to call and bother you at the wrong time? Of course you are. Some great lines to unload 'em, after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. A telemarketer has just started into his or her pitch. Here's some lines to get rid of them fast.

How 'bout, "Wait! Before you go any further...umm...what kind of underwear are you wearing?" "Click." (Imitates dial tone.) Good.

Or how about, "I...I'm really busy right now, give me your home phone and I'll call you later, okay? Hello? Hello?"

Here's a beaut: (Whispering) "Shh! I...I'm here robbing the house...Whoa! I think the owner just came home! Can you hold?"

When a telemarketer askes how you are, say "I'm having an existential crisis at the moment, let me explain, well, first of all..." "Click."

Or better yet, say "Hold on." Then just put the phone down, and walk away.

Until next time, Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1997, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.