Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!


Stan Freberg here. As the days to Christmas dwindle down to a precious few - say, that has a nice ring to it - you may be wondering what to get that special person. How 'bout a pair of moose dung earrings? Grizzly's Gifts in Anchorage, Alaska sells 'em for 2.50 a pair. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here with a last-minute gift report. I was telling you about Grizzly's Gifts in Anchorage, Alaska. I called Grizzly's and spoke to Cathy, a salesperson who told me they are the world's largest sellers of moose dung items.

"If you don't like the idea of moose dung earrings," she said, "you may enjoy our moose dung swizzle sticks. A buck ninety-five." I said, "I beg your PARDON?" She said, "Oh, don't worry, the moose dung part never goes into your drink, it's just what the handle of the swizzle stick is made of, then shellacked."

Oh, well, that's a comfort. Even so, the idea is a turn-off to me. "I'll pass," I told her.

"Okay, then," she said, "how about a moose dung tie tack? Or a wreath made of moose dung and mistletoe?" I said, "What do you call it, 'Moostletoe?'" She said, "That's right." Hmm.

Meanwhile, if all these Alaskan novelty items are too low-end for you, how 'bout the world's most expensive pen, from Mont Blanc? Encrusted with 4000 diamonds, a hundred thousand takes it home; or maybe a 24-karat gold bra being offered by a Japanese lingerie company for one million bucks? "Harry, I'd like to get dressed, can you bring me my bra out of the safe?"

A million bucks? The "Moostletoe" wreath sounds better and better!

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright (C)1995, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.