Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

The High Cost of "Socks"

Stan Freberg here. I just read how much the care and protection of Socks, the White House cat, is costing the taxpayers. The cat has his own Secret Service agent assigned to guard him. Hmm. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg again. Yes, Socks, the Clintons' cat, has his own Secret Service detail, assigned to protect him around the clock. Hey, I love cats, but it's costing the American taxpayers 535,000 bucks annually!

A special agent is assigned to protect the black-and-white feline, and on special occasions, as many as 3 agents are on hand. Every morning, before Socks can come out, stroll the garden, and, whatever cats do, the special agent has to go ahead of him and check out the grounds. This could take as long as 2 hours! Hey, by that time, Socks has no doubt given up and hit the White House litter box.

A spokesman revealed that, "...there have been kidnap attempts and once they caught terrorists attempting to blow the cat up. They don't want Socks to get hurt, which would upset the public."

Hey, I guess when you look at it like that, 535,000 bucks a year to protect the "First Cat" is a bargain. Which got me to thinking--what if something actually DID happen to Socks? Shouldn't we have another cat standing by? A cat who is a heartbeat away from the "First Cat"? Sort of a "Vice-Cat"?

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.