Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Warning Label For Couch Potatoes

Stan Freberg here. Do you consider yourself a "couch potato"? The Surgeon General has decided that being a couch potato is dangerous to your health--really! A label saying that will soon be affixed right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Freberg here. Are you one of those people who run several miles a day, do hours of exercise to stay in shape? I thought not. Pretty much of a "couch potato," eh? I know I am, more or less; but now comes a warning to all of us. From who? The Surgeon General of the United States, that's who!

The office plans to warn couch potatoes the same way it has targeted smokers and drinkers. Soon a little label will be issued saying "The Surgeon General has determined that lack of physical activity is detrimental to your health." Hmm. And where do they plan to put this scary label?

Well, several sporting goods companies have agreed to affix it to their exercise equipment, their bike, their jumprope; but I say "What good will THAT do?" What good is it on a jumprope that I'll never buy? Mike Tyson, fine--he'll buy the jumprope and see the little label, but he already knows about exercising. That's like preaching to the choir.

No, it seems to me the place to put the label is on the couch potato's couch, or on his full-length mirror, or refrigerator. Ah, now we're getting down to it.

In the future, could the Surgeon General check with me on these things ahead of time?

Stan Freberg here.

Copyright ©1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.