Satiric radio commentary for the 90s from the man who drained Lake Michigan and filled it with hot chocolate!!!

Columbus Day

Stan Freberg here. Since today is Columbus Day, I'll play an excerpt from my Capitol CD, "Stan Freberg presents The United States of America," after this. [:60 SPOT BREAK]

Columbus has been under attack lately, so what else is new? Here's my version of Columbus on the beach. When he tells the Indians he's discovered them, they say:

INDIAN: What you mean, 'discover us'? We discover all how you look at it.

COLUMBUS: Yeah, I never thought of that.

Next, Columbus asks about their diet:

INDIAN: Oh, berries, herbs, natural fruits and organically grown vegetables.

COLUMBUS: Just as I suspected. What kind of a diet is that? That's why I've come here...give me some real food; starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, all the better things. That's called "progress," see?


COLUMBUS: If you'll direct me to the nearest bank, I'll get a check cashed.

INDIAN: You out of luck today, banks closed.


INDIAN: Columbus Day!

COLUMBUS: Oh, yeah...we going out on that joke?

INDIAN: No, we do reprise of song. That help...

COLUMBUS AND INDIAN: ...but not much, no...

(MUSIC: "Round Round World"-reprise:)


Round round world,
It's a newfound world
And it'll wind up good
like a continent should
complete with a flag unfurled--


Yo-ho-ho and a buckskin sleeve
Now the white man's here
I guess it's time to leave
But why go to war and
fight like a jerk?
Perhaps we can pick up
some kind of work--

INDIANS: In an Indian extravaganza -

INDIAN CHIEF: Wyatt Earp or Bonanza--

COLUMBUS: Please don't call us, we'll call you--

KING FERDINAND: Step aside, pal, meet the new -

ALL: Big cheeses of this round, round world!

Happy Columbus Day to Native Americans everywhere. Stan Freberg here.
(Music up and out.)

Copyright ©1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.
"Round Round World" ©1962, Freberg Music, Inc. SCAP