Ecologically Correct Armpits?

Stan Freberg here. The "green movement" has invaded your armpits. That is to say, you'd better be fighting your "b.o." with a politically correct deodorant. Be right back. [:60 SPOT BREAK] Freberg here. The "green movement" seems to have invaded your medicine cabinet on the way to your armpits. Back in the dark ages of body odor protection, you whipped out an aluminum can of anti-perspirant and "pssshhht!"--no problem. But since the depletion of the ozone layer, spray cans emitting dangerous CFCs have gone the way of Michael Dukakis buttons. Enter the age of the politically correct deodorant stick. There are underarm products made from sweet basil, grapefruit, Siberian pine needle oil, and mistletoe. Does this mean you can hold your stick of mistletoe deodorant over your sweetie's head and steal a kiss? Head Shampoo has jumped on the "green deodorant" bandwagon with the longest name I've ever seen. "Excuse me, you got any 'Pure and Basic Green Team Natural Oriental Cypress Deodorant Stick'?" By this time, the clerk's eyes'll glaze over. How effective are "green" deodorants? San Fransisco playwright Carol Lloyd couldn't find one that worked for her, 'til she found "Crystal Orchid." "Looks like a chunk of new-age crystal," she says. "You just wet it, and put it on. It's a very spiritual deodorant." Well, that's the main thing you want in life--a spiritual deodorant. I gotta go shower now, and rub a chunk of crystal under my arms. Wanna make sure I have "eco-armpits." Stan Freberg here. Copyright ©1996, Stan Freberg/Freberg, Ltd. (but not very) Distributed by Dick Brescia Associates and Radio Spirits, Inc.