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The UNOFFICIAL Shoebox Greetings®

Wherehouse
The funny stuff that's rejected by really smart people who understand the business goes here when they aren't looking.

Funny But No Cigar

If you're the type of person who enjoys standing in the greeting card aisle of your local grocery store and guffawing at every card, you will enjoy this page of salvaged greeting card rejects from Hallmark's Shoebox Greetings' late, lamented "Funny, But No" web site.

Every week, Shoebox Greetings took the best of the rejects and posted them on its site under the "Funny, But No" category. Humor from Shoebox is often funny, quirky, and tasteful at the same time, and the cards that don't quite make the grade are lacking the right balance of humor.

A little too weird and a little off-color, they will still make you laugh because you can't imagine actually giving them to any one.

Please note: These archives only go up to Oct. 13, 1997. Later entries from the original FBN site are no longer available.

Nov. 25, 1996:

Thanksgiving Colors

Thanks!

Bleak

Dec. 2, 1996:

3 Little Words

You Wouldn't Understand

Graduation

Dec. 9, 1996:

Christmas Dilemma

Glad We're Friends...

Happy Birthday To You...

Dec. 16, 1996:

Thanks For The Towels

Happy Birthday...

My Holiday Wish For You...

Dec. 23, 1996:

Mom's Birthday

Oh, Sure...

Nostradamus

Dec. 30, 1996:

When All Around You...

You're Engaged?

You're Retiring!

Jan. 6, 1997:

You Have Succeeded...

Uncle Ed

The King of Siam...

Jan. 13, 1997: The "Miss You" Series:

Me? Miss You?

Miss You

If You Don't Come Back...

Jan. 20, 1997:

Counting Beans

Couldn't Buy A Friend

Up A Tree...

Jan. 27, 1997:

You're Engaged? #2

Happy Valentine's Day, Grandma...

Great Pair Of Legs...

February 3, 1997:

Good-bye...

No More Teachers, No More Books...

You Had A Baby!

February 10, 1997:

Everything I Know I Needed To Learn...

You Are Amazing, Dad!

Happy Mother's Day, Grandma...

February 17, 1997:

I Hope You Get Just What You Want...

To My Sister On Her Birthday...

They Don't Make Grandpas...

February 24, 1997:

Your Birthday Means Many Things...

Having Trouble Coping?...

Sorry I Haven't Written...

March 3, 1997:

Get Up!

Thelma and Thelma

Happy Birthday To a Grandpa...

March 10, 1997:

You're 60?

Keep In Touch...

Special Christmas Wish

March 17, 1997:

A Helpful Tip...

No One I'd Rather Spend Christmas With

Co-worker

March 24, 1997:

Congratulations on your New Baby

Go Ahead...

You're Pregnant?

March 31, 1997:

Have Double the Fun w/Birthday Cake

A Teacher Is...

Au Revoir!

April 7, 1997:

No Dumb Kids...

Thanks, Coach...

To The Bride-To-Be:...

April 14, 1997:

Happy Father's Day, Grandpa...

Tattoo

Jack

April 21, 1997:

You Deserve the Best...Valentine's Day

Grandpa, If You Were Any More Fun...

It Must Be Christmas...

April 28, 1997:

For Father's Day...

You're 40

Naked on Valentine's Day?

May 5, 1997:

Don't Let Another Birthday Bother You...

Our Love Runs Deep...

Worried About Turning 30?

May 12, 1997:

I Might Be President...

You Wouldn't Understand (repeat of 12/96)

More Today Than Yesterday...

May 19, 1997:

Hard To Pick A Gift For

Car That Runs on Garbage

Creative Love Life

May 26, 1997:

Your Birthday Is A Chance...

Rustle Up Some Grub...

Hammers & Nails

June 2, 1997:

Happy Birthday, Brother

Dad, Your Birthday Wish...

You're Such A Good Friend...

June 9, 1997:

Advice for your Birthday, Brother...

Come On, Get Happy

Grass Stains

June 16, 1997:

Birthday w/Cheerleader

It's A Boy!

I Hope You Get Well Soon...

June 23, 1997:

Resume

Please Get Well Soon...

Wedding Is Beautiful...

June 30, 1997:

Intelligence

I Miss You, But...

Clouds
July 7, 1997:

Sorry To See You Retire...

Gap for Kids

"Pal" Spelled Backwards...

July 14, 1997:

You're 10...

Your Accomplishments

I Miss You.

July 21, 1997:

Tattoo for Birthday?

You'll Be Missed...

Birthday Advice for a Teenager...

July 28, 1997:
Happy Mother's Day, Sis...

Boyfriend...?

Grandma...

Aug. 4, 1997:

Sorry This Birthday Card Is Late...

Beeper

Cuddle...

Aug. 11, 1997:

Promotion

Budding Folk Singer

England Dan & John Ford Coley

Aug. 18, 1997:

Happy Mother's Day to My Sister...

You're So Nice...

Got A New Job?...

Aug. 25, 1997:

Maxine©: Stumped for Trick-Or-Treat?
New Margarine

September 1, 1997:

Top 10 Reasons They Won't Be Naming The School Library After You
Wedge of Suspicion

September 8, 1997:

It's Never Easy To Say Goodbye...
Your Love is One Reason...

September 15, 1997:

Get Well Right This Second!
You had a baby?

September 22, 1997:

Thank you for being a great teacher...
So Long, Pardner...

September 29, 1997:

Father's Day/Talk show host
Party like a rhino!

October 6, 1997:

More than a great teacher...
Graduating from high school...

October 13, 1997:

You're 18!
The "Why" Files